You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
