I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
