dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
