i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
