My balls are so social today.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
