so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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