i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she peed on how many people?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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