I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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