im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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