Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
