im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
