He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
