I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just googled if crying burns calories
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize