Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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