I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
