I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
