So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
