I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
