I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
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they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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