How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
