a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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