Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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