dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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