I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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