is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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