Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
