so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
