I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
