Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize