As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
