just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
