But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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