he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just invented taco cereal.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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