Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
