I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
