yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
