phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
