That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
