you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
