yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
