Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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