Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i drank out of a bidet.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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