the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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