I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
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Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
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I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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