i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
