I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
