I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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