Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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