Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
