I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
