Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
