And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
