but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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