Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
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I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
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dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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