I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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