mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Randomize
