I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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