There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
