Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
