Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Randomize
