The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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