Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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