I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
