I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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