Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
