Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
