dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
