Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
