I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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