I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
