Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
