ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
