Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
